Cowardice and Commitment, Part I

Keep in mind as you read this I am not attempting to profess that I adhere to this completely. I felt the urge to write this from looking at myself and realizing the tendencies I had when faced with situations that called me to stand for what I believe in, in the face of overwhelming peer pressure and closed-mindedness demanding I repress my views and succumbing to it. Hiding under the guise of not wishing to stir a conflict, I close my mouth and let others run over my ideals without defending myself, so this is as much a guide for me as it is for others.

Obviously while forming and creating opinions and shifting away from the views instilled in me by the great American public education system, insecurities about my position when confronted arise. In order to avert this, the first step must be education to a near obsessive point about the beliefs you wish to stand for. The number one enemy of a closed mind is information. Possessing it, and not manufacturing it for the moment, is key. Having a dear friend who, despite being quite convictional about his beliefs, frequently creates information to suit his argument at the time never convinced me of anything. An argument is a battle where your knowledge is the sword, and it must be sharpened to be effective. Since you should be arguing within yourself as well to validate, the better you can argue, the more the information sharpens your thoughts.

Now, you must seek out a fire to forge your thoughts in and refine them. It is easy enough to find an argument, but it is important to seek out the right type and for the right reasons. Arguments for the sake of being right are one of my worst habits, and I am sure every person has various reasons for doing so. It is best to find someone fairly who has ideals similar to yours, and search for differences to discuss and refine. Being able to stand up for your beliefs among your like-minded peers is the first step in truly acting as you believe, and even being the first step can be extremely difficult.

This is the stage I am at now personally, and while I have ideas and plans on how to continue, I wish to progress before I talk further. Until then, keep an open mind.

- Justin

The Long Lost

Crushed hopes for a better life while sitting on the black couch of ignorance. Images reflection in a box, of a pitiful existence passed waiting for the end. Alone, isolated and scared, she sits in her corner away from others. Her days spent in cage, located next to thousands of similar structures holding just as many per, makes her feel secure. In the streets she walks, afraid to look up in case she would come across someone actually trying to make eye contact. People are so insane, she might get attacked at any moment, she knows. Sitting in the bus, she hears a baby cry and while it reminds her about how having a family would be an interesting idea, that noise bugs her. Why can’t he just shut up? Why isn’t his mother doing something about it? She just raises the volume of her ipod and closes her eyes. The music takes the pain away, yet the lyrics of her favourite song drift her in deep thoughts… ”what is it I’m after, searching for desaster, watching my own life flash in front of my eyes…we’ve been given answers, through walking cancers, dressed up as life…”

A single tear falls down her cheek to crash into nothingness on her jacket, as she forces her eyes to remain closed, hiding away the pain. It can’t be the way it is supposed to be. Yet how could one wish for more. More while looking around to find people, acting exactly like the other yet so isolated from one another.

A single number among billiards of different, yet identical beings. Why would one, actually change something to the equation, she wonders. Holding on the thought that she does matter at work, that she is essential when she is not, unacknowledged agreement between her thoughts and reality…she keeps going. But where, where should she be heading now. Why should the path, or even the arrival point matter. It does not. Depressed, like all those clones, she can’t see, she doesn’t want to understand.

On the way home, an Illuminate screams for unity passed their differences. Injustices being listed as things that can actually change, she hurts. Why can’t he just shut up? Our lives aren’t complicated enough yet? Within the crowd, she hears her name. Looking to the ground, she wonders if she is not only hallucinating voices within the masses. A large hand sits on her shoulder as she steps back immediately. A friend, apparently. Startled, easy talk goes and quickly ends. Does he really care? He doesn’t. Nor does anyone. Does she even care? She highly doubts it.

The Illuminate’s voice suddenly catches her attention as the words “pain” “we all suffer” “This is not how it is supposed to be. This can’t be life.” “What if he was right?” “Why does he think what I think?”, she mumbles. Nothing more but a flash of light just as rapidly gone because obviously, he must be another of those charlatans trying to gain from those still having hope for changes. He states various possibilities and the group surrounding him applauds and rejoices as if there was no tomorrow. As the speech finally ends, the group suddenly return to random individuals, walking away their lonely path back to their own cage. A ray of sunlight in their life if nothing else, but at least she knows that she won’t be disappointed as she did not listen more than required.

Painful way to the cage as individuals unable to own one, beg for help. Why should they deserve any while she does not manage to obtain any? Her own existence falling to piece should earn others the right to ask for more than what she has? Be they called miserable; those who dare begging those who worked hard for what they have, as if they could have it any easier than the rest of them.

Knowledge taken away from birth by others, while kept away by her own will, as she grew up. Is there a solution to such lack of evolution in the human nature? Why does she want friends, feel this incomparable need to talk to someone, while she wouldn’t even care if someone decided to talk to her about his life. It is divided that they stand, looking for gains instead of their happiness, because no more is there any belief of true happiness within poverty. Values as she heard of as a child are long lost and will never come back. When you are born for less, you cannot earn more than what is ready to be distributed your way. Desperate, it is by the window that she watches her life walk away on its own, she knows.

- Sabbi